


Is this the way it ends now?

by grillantho



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Heavy Angst, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26506801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grillantho/pseuds/grillantho
Summary: Rin knew what he had to do, but god, why did it have to hurt this much?
Relationships: Okumura Rin/Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Is this the way it ends now?

“Nii-san, You agree with me, don’t you? It’s the right thing to do.” Rin bowed his head. “You know we can’t have someone with such a great future as Suguro romantically involved with the son of satan, especially not a male one. And anyway, we both know the Vatican isn't going to let you have a future.” Rin silently got up and walked towards the door. Rin continued out the door. Once he closed the door he fell to his knees and the tears couldn’t stop falling down his face. _Dear god, I know it’s for the best but I don’t want to have to do this._

**> Hey Ryu, can we meet up tn?**

It took him three soul-crushing minutes to get a reply back

**> Yeah sure. Your place?  
>Is everything okay?**

Rin typed out a message confirming his dorm and the fact that he’s okay _even though he’s truthfully not_

* * *

Rin has been pacing back and forth for the past 15 minutes. Dinner is cooked and ready on the table, he already has what he needs to say in his head and he has a plan put in place for after the deed is done. 

He’s going to ask Yukio to put him back into one on one training with Shura. He can’t face Ryuuji after what he’s going to have to do tonight. It’s not fair… but he shouldn’t be surprised. Nothing in his life has ever been fair. Why should he think that he was allowed one glimmer of happiness? Who was he to think he deserved that? He needs to stop being so selfish. Before Rin could spiral further into his self-deprecating thought, Ryuuji walked in.

“Hey. This looks great! What’s the occasion?” Ryuuji frowned as he stepped closer to his boyfriend who couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. Rin refused to look up from his hands. “Let’s just eat, I’ll tell you after,” Rin said as he put on a fake smile. They ate in silence, save for a few comments about their days. Once they were both done eating Rin grabbed Ryuuji’s hand.  
Rin had to pause a moment to collect himself as he didn’t want to break down before he could even say anything.

“We uh w-we need to break up” Rin took his hands away from Ryuuji’s. Ryuuji sat there shocked. Anger kicked in and before he knew it he was up and yelling “What the hell do you mean ‘we need to break up’ you can’t do that!”  
“Ryu-” 

“No way! No fucking way is this happening.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I thought what we had was real, huh? You said you loved me. _I love you!_ Doesn’t that count for anything?” They both went silent “I-I can’t lose you.”

 _I need to make him hate me, I need to stop being selfish!_ Rin though desperately “Ry-” He faltered. “Suguro... I- I’m not in love with you! I hate you!”

They both went silent until Ryuuji responded in a quiet voice “So this was all a lie, huh?” He stormed out after receiving no response. After the door was slammed shut so hard the building practically shook, Rin started to break down. He couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears from falling down his face

* * *

Life, unfortunately, doesn’t stop for heartbroken demons. The next day, Rin started his one-on-one classes with Shura. It took all of ten minutes for her to realize there was something really wrong with her pupil. 

“Oi! You haven’t said one word to me since ya got here. I jus’ thought you were tired, but you normally combust if you don’t say something every 30 seconds.” Shura put her sword away. She put her hands on her hips and looked pointedly at Rin. “Talk. What’s buggin’ ya?”

Rin shook his head and looked towards the ground. “Nothin’s wrong. Can’t we just get back to trainin’?”

“Cut the shit. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong boobzilla. Can we get back to trainin’ now?”

Shura looked Rin up and down. She wasn’t told why he was put back into one-on-one training with her, but she can only assume something bad happened. Not wanting to push him any further, she sighed and picked her sword back up. 

“Okay fine, but if I win this next match you have to tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Deal.” Rin agreed. Shura raised one eyebrow. 

“Someone’s cocky? You think you’ve improved that much?” She jeered, getting ready to start. 

Shura ended up winning.

* * *

When Ryuuji got back to his dorm that night he was extremely thankful that he had it to himself. He was never assigned a roommate at the start of the year. After closing and locking the door, he just sat down on his bed, mind reeling. He was in shock from the night’s events. Tears were starting to well in his eyes and he found he didn’t have the willpower to hold back. He lay down on his bed and the dam walls broke. 

Ryuuji absolutely hated the feeling of crying, it always made him feel weak and useless. Now? He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything. The tears came, and he fell asleep after a few hours of screaming and crying into his pillow. 

The next morning, he woke up to find that he had fallen asleep in his jeans. He looked at his phone to check the time and was upset to find that he had no texts or calls from Rin. He shook his head to clear his mind and got ready for the day. 

_I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I-_

“Oi, Bon! We heard something come from your dorm room late last night. Is everything okay?” Shima interrupted his thought process. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Ryuuji replied pointedly. Shima and Konekomaru shared a look of uncertainty. 

“Are…” Konekomaru faltered. “Are you sure Bon? You don’t seem to be fine.” he finished quietly.

“I said I was fine. Drop it.” He looked at them. “Please” He pleaded. 

Shima tried bringing it up again as they walked inside the school, but after a sharp glare from Ryuuji, he quickly dropped it. After a quick goodbye to his friends, he headed off towards his locker. After switching into his inside shoes, he grabbed what books he needed and went to class early. 

When lunch arrived, he internally panicked. What was he supposed to tell Shima and Konekomaru? They knew he had been dating Rin, and it would be suspicious if they didn’t sit with him at lunch. But he cannot even think about the halfling without wanting to burst into tears, nevermind simply sitting at the same table as him. 

To his surprise, Rin wasn’t at their usual spot, and so they ate as a trio. Izumo was eating with Paku and Shiemi across the courtyard. They ate in silence. Ryuuji was thankful for it. He didn’t have the energy to try to converse with his friends like normal that day.

He was numb for the rest of the day, he walked to each of his classes like a zombie. Only doing the bare minimum, and only participating in class when called on. He sat far away from Yukio in their shared classes and was quite thankful that he and Rin were not identical twins. He wouldn’t be able to stand seeing Rin’s face for a while.

* * *

Two months later and Rin had only seen Ryuuji in passing glances on missions, and accidentally running into him in the hallways. Rin kept telling himself that he was fine, he’d been alone for the past 15 years of his life, he can do it again. When Shima and Konekomaru found out he broke up with Ryuuji for no good apparent reason, they were reasonably pissed. Well, Konekomaru was pissed and Shima didn’t want to cause any problems. Rin still got sent some memes from Shima, and he was grateful, even if he didn’t deserve it. 

Rin was walking alone with his earbuds in towards the gymnasium when he was violently pulled back by his backpack. He turned around, insult at the ready, and fell backward in shock. 

Suguro was standing in front of him, a determined look on his face. 

“Okay Okumura, I’ve been doin’ some thinking these past two months.” He raked a hand through his newly cut hair. Rin felt a twinge of sadness at the fact that he no longer had his _really cool_ mohawk. 

Rin stood up and after dusting himself off, he adjusted his bag. “I want answers. I have no idea why you really ended things! You said you hated me, but I don’t think you gave the capacity to hate anyone.” Ryuuji continued, “So please, tell me the real reason” 

Rin was fighting back tears now, he looked up from the ground and found Ryuuji looking him dead in the eyes. To anyone who didn’t know Ryuuji very well, they’d think that he was simply frowning. But Rin could see the pure sadness in his eyes.

He struggled to formulate words. They sat in silence for a few moments until Rin spoke up in a quiet voice, “I was in the way y’ know? The Vatican will never let you have a good career if you’re with the spawn of satan… and I’m also a dude, I’m pretty sure that’s like the worst thing ever in their eyes.” He shook his head in an effort to stop the onslaught of tears that were coming. “I need you to hate me Ryuuji. It’ll make it easier for both of us when I eventually get executed.” Ryuuji stared at him in shock. “W-What do you mean, executed?” He asked. 

“Look, they only suspended it. What if I flame up again, or if they just decide one day that they’d rather me dead?” Rin paused for a moment before continuing, “I’m the spawn of satan, I shouldn’t even be alive.” 

“That’s not true! Damnit, Okumura…. Why are you so stupid?” Ryuuji cried out in response. “Why can’t you see that you have a life fighting for?” 

Rin was tempted to close the gap and kiss Ryuuji but he fought the urge. He couldn’t be selfish. Ryuuji deserved better than this. 

“I’m sorry Ryuuji.” Was all Rin said before he walked away towards his gym class (that he was definitely super late to now) 

“Don’t you walk away! I’m not done talking!” Ryuuji bellowed. “I still gotta knock some sense into that tiny skull of yours! Stop that martyr bullshit, you deserve to have happiness Rin.” 

“No, I don’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I apologize if Yukio comes off as being the 'villain' of this story. I love Yukio, so please don't think I'm painting him in a bad light. But with the way he acts towards Rin, I feel like he would try to convince his brother to break up with whoever he was dating and think he was helping. This might just be me though! 
> 
> Anyways, if you enjoyed this please leave a comment/kudos! I apologize for any OOC-ness with any character in here.
> 
> (Side note- The title is taken from Death Note the musical. It's so good and has my literal idol Jeremy Jordan in it as Light, so I highly recommend listening to the demo's on youtube! ... yes I'm a theatre kid haha)


End file.
